I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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