No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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