Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
