I will die if light touches me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
