508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
