I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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