why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love having hate sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
