So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
