i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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