I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
