then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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