Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
