So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
