I'm lost and stupid without you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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