she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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