i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
