How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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