We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
