where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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