Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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