apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
