I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
