i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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