Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
worst night to have a conscience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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