She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
