The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
