remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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