I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
3pm strippers are depressing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
