i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
