Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
