No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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