Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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