god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
