I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
