I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
