Princesses don't give blow jobs
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
