apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
