i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
