I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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