well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
