plz talk dirty to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
