he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
