just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
