All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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