I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
