Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
