His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
