Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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