Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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