Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
