The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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