haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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