OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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