I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize