That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
