I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
