Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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