I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
