i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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