I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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