Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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