operation harelip BJ is a go
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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