You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
