No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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