There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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