Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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