6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
