Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
