come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We are all done wearing pants today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
