can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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