pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
