she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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