I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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