What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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