the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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